Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord. Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart. Colossians 3:20-21
By the time you have 13 grandkids after raising four kids of your own, you qualify to comment on these two verses with authority. First, children aren’t apparently inclined to be obedient to their parents. It’s not something that’s inherently evil (but it is) but a bent in the human spirit that needs to be straightened. The Greek word for “obedient” or “obey” is hupakouo, which can mean, “open the door.” This is our objective, to get our kids to respond to our knocks, and to let us in.
Fathers are responsible to get this done in a limited amount of time. It’s not an easy layup to do this, but a lot of dribbling and dodging is necessary to score, and the score won’t be tallied until later in life, when it’s too late. Paul tells fathers, whatever you do, don’t exasperate your children. The Greek word erethizo means to “stir up” or “provoke,” which we are to conclude leads to exasperation, which in turn causes “acting out.”
You can provoke your children with overreaction, with a flair of temper, with an overarching presence (hovering) that leaves no room for childish exploration and creativity, or by imposing over reaching goals and objectives on their activities (that you’ve signed them up for), motivated by your own vicarious visions of grandeur, whether their bent is in that particular direction or not. Yet you can do significant damage also by inattentiveness or inaction. Case in point, Eli and his sons.
“For I have told him that I am about to judge his house forever for the iniquity which he knew, because his sons brought a curse on themselves and he did not rebuke them. 1 Samuel 3:13
It’s through a veritable minefield fathers tread, lacking any attaboys along the way. And when someone finally recognizes the good you’ve done, you’re six feet under.
That is why we acquire whatever satisfaction we’ll get in this life from modest gains and surprises along the way, and if you’re in lockstep with your wife (and their mother), you’ll get some support and acknowledgment with the occasional comment, “I’m glad you stepped in there.”
The point of this passage is that you’ll know you haven’t exasperated your children when you can tell they haven’t lost heart, when you’ve left alone the bent in their personalities that you had no business messing with.
It’s through a veritable minefield fathers tread, lacking any attaboys along the way. And when someone finally recognizes the good you’ve done, you’re six feet under.
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